Confessions Of A Wife

Confessions Of A Wife

Hey everyone! Like always, I want to keep things real with y’all. So, today I want to talk about being a wife. Oh yes, I’m talking about the struggles, the great times, and the insecurities. Everything out in the open, no lies, no fluff, all 100% real life. Wives, you can (most likely) relate; husbands, y’all might want to read for additional information. To all who read, let’s do this. The real starts now.

First, I want to talk to y’all about the insecurities. I think that everyone at some point in their lives will feel insecure about something. For wives, I think that insecurities are very much the same as high shcool girls. I don’t care if our husbands tell us how beautiful we are 10 times a day or 100 times a day, we will always find flaws with ourselves. I can almost guarantee that you, as a wife, have looked in the mirror and thought “Well, maybe if I lose 10 pounds he would think I looked better”. I know this, because my husband always tells me that I’m beautiful(I hit the jackpot, he’s amazing), but the minute I get alone with myself in front of that daggone mirror, I start telling myself that I should look better, for him. Now, I am all about self betterment; I think that you should want to be a better person for your spouse. That being said, I think that half the time, we are inventing things to not like about ourselves that our husbands don’t mind one bit. Again, we always add the I should be ____ for him. I truly believe that we just add the “for him” so that we don’t feel as guilty for downing ourselves. Because, if we are wanting to better ourselves for our love, clearly that can’t be a bad thing. Yet we are the ones who are unhappy with ourselves, and instead of facing that head-on, we pretend that it’s our husbands who find fault with us. Then, BOOM, insecurity formed.

Another big point of insecurity is “another woman”. I’m going to tell the honest truth now. I have never, in the (almost) 5 years that we have been together, thought that my husband (boyfriend back then) would cheat on me. I still don’t think that he would. I just don’t see that happening with him (cue the women saying that he can and that all it takes is the right woman to come along… but he truly just isn’t like that). Even though I 100% DO NOT think that he would EVER, in a million years, cheat on me… I still get jealous when we are out and another woman looks him up and down (or worse, tries to flirt). It’s like it’s hardwired into me. Even though my brain and my heart both know that he’s not going anywhere, I cannot stand when women try to flirt with him. Even though I know that he is a handsome man and women are going to look at him, I still bristle up at the mere thought of another woman batting her eyes at him. Even though I know that he thinks that I’m beautiful, and he loves me more than anything, I feel insecure whenever I see (what I believe to be) a prettier woman look his way. It, again, is one of those things that has absolutely nothing to do with my husband, but in the way that I perceive myself. Because, again, how can he think that I’m beautiful if I don’t feel that way about myself.

Insecurities are things that just are. They develop for many reasons and it takes a long time and a lot of self-love to get rid of them. It can be done though, and every day my husband makes me feel better about myself by telling me how he sees me instead of letting my focus on how I see myself. Wives, tell your husbands about your insecurities, let them help you. Your husbands are your biggest supporters if you will let them be.

Next, I want to talk about the struggles of being a wife. Now, this is different for every wife out there. Maybe you feel like you do more of the housework (I was thankfully blessed with a man who helps me with the housework and often does most of it before I can even get to it). Maybe, you have a husband that you feel like doesn’t listen to you. Maybe you are in the same boat as me and you feel like you just don’t get enough time with him. Let me explain why we don’t get time. My husband is a full time student for Mechanical Engineering and he works part time. When he gets home, we eat dinner together, and then he has homework until we go to bed. When he doesn’t have homework, he’s so tired that he can barely keep his eyes open. That’s just the reality of marrying young while one of you is still in college (I went to a secondary school and got my training to be a nail tech, so I am able to work full time). Then, with all of this, he helps me with life and with the house, and the cars. I’m pretty sure he’s superman… anyway, there are many things in life that can pull you and your spouse away from each other. The trick is to turn it around and use these hard times, or use your struggles to grow closer together.

It’s not easy by any stretch of the imagination. There are times when you will fight for hours just to realize that you were fighting for no other reason than you were both tired and needed to yell. There are times when you will feel as though there is nothing but distance between the two of you and you don’t know how to fix it (usually fixed with a very long talk and a bit of time spent together). That’s what marriage is… it’s going through these struggles and facing hardships, but doing so together and coming out stronger that before. If you’re in the middle of a rough patch in your marriage right now, talk to your husband, talk to a friend (not the shady one who always blames your husband and tries to get you to leave him, but an honest one who is going to help you through it and give you healthy ways to fix the problem), or even talk to me (I’m always here to talk, by email or by snail mail through my P.O. box)… but know that the rough patches don’t last forever.

Lastly, I want to talk to y’all about the great times. In marriage, for every struggle and every insecurity, there is a great time to counteract it. Marriage itself is having a partner for everything and a support system to get you through any situation. Marriage is having the person, that you love most in this world, help you navigate life. I really think that marriage is one of the greatest things that a person can experience; you are one with your other half and it makes everything so much better.

While it’s not always easy, it always levels out to the great again. If you love your husband with all of your heart, and you know that he feels the same way, nothing can ever break the bond that y’all share. No insecurity, no struggle, and no person, can ever take away the love that you have. Even the small moments are great moments; everything from when he strokes a piece of hair out of your face, to when you finally see him (and can’t help but to smile) after a long day of work. Great times come in many forms and always leave you happy and at peace. So much easier to explain, the great times are whenever you don’t let the struggles and the insecurities cloud your marriage and keep you from remembering how much you love your one-and-only.

I feel like you need the balance of the good and the bad to make the good times seem great and the bad times seem insignificant. My husband is everything to me, he is my support system, my rock, and my love. Treat your husband well and appreciate the things that he does for you. We often don’t thank them enough for doing all that they do for us. Hug them, kiss them, and let them know how much you love them.

This is everything, the raw and honest confessions of a wife. I hope that y’all enjoyed this post and a huge thank you to everyone that takes the time to read it. I encourage you to share this with other wives and I encourage you to comment/reach out to me and let me know what you think. As always, much love!

If you enjoyed this post, check out my post on The Truth About Marriage by clicking here or my post on the 5 Steps To Keep Your Marriage New by clicking here.

5 Steps To Keep Your Marriage New

5 Steps To Keep Your Marriage New

Listed below are 5 steps to keeping your marriage feeling new.

  1. Indulge the kid in you: Not only one of the best ways to keep your marriage young (remember that “young” is a relative term), but a great way to keep you young as well. “Indulging the kid in you” can come in many forms, especially when it comes to your marriage. It basically boils down to HAVE FUN. If both of you enjoy ice cream, then use your adulting privileges and go get a tub of ice cream (and two spoons) late one night on a spur of the moment (don’t do this all the time as it can be a very bad habit to develop… and you don’t want to have a snaccident). If both of you enjoy video games, then pick a lazy weekend afternoon and spend it battling each other out on your game of choice. This method can be applied to nearly every activity that we, as adults, have tried to limit in our lives.
  2. Keep the romance alive: Now, get your head out of the gutter; I’m talking about true ROMANCE. The best way to keep the romance alive is by doing things (big and small) that make your spouse swoon. Romance is what leads to those butterflies coming back into play after life gets a bit routine. The thing is, I can’t tell you what will work best for your spouse. For some, it’s rose petals and candles all over the house after a long week. For others, romance comes in quick surprises like a kiss they weren’t expecting or a surprise date night (pre-planned). Find what makes the love of your life swoon and use it, mix it up, and keep that romance alive.
  3. Never stop chasing each other: This is one of the most important things that you can do in a marriage. It is so easy to let life and routine get in the way of each other once you are settled. Let me tell you now though, if you start forgetting your husband/wife and putting them to the side, IT WILL CAUSE TROUBLE. I have seen it so many times and every single time, it leads to fighting. So never stop chasing your love. Whistle at them when they enter a room (yes, like a wolf whistle). Tell them how much they mean to you, very often. Plan surprises for them; it doesn’t have to be on a large scale (see “Keep The Romance Alive”). Keep chasing your spouse like you were still dating and you’ll grow closer.
  4. No secrets: This is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing that you can do in a marriage. DO NOT KEEP SECRETS… I REPEAT, DO NOT KEEP SECRETS. So, I’m sure that by now, some of you are saying “but I think that some secrets are healthy” and no, just no (for the most part). Let me explain. If you are keeping their Christmas present a secret until Christmas, okay. That is perfectly alright and sweet. If you are keeping some aspect of your life secret, not as much. When you get married, you are becoming one flesh. Meaning, you are one person, living as two. The good and bad parts of you and the good and bad parts of them are all together. They are as much a part of you as you are of them and they deserve to know your life just like you deserve to know theirs. Live as one, with no secrets, and you will be inseparable.
  5. Do Extra: Now, here is a task that most people overlook. Go the extra mile when doing something for your spouse. Keep in mind, this means that you actually have to do something for your husband/wife. If you are going to clean the house and you each have “chores” that you do, go the extra mile and do one of theirs so that they don’t have to. If you are picking something up for lunch from a restaurant you know that they love, grab them something too and either save it for them, or take it to them. If you know that they are sick and they ask you to grab tissues, pick them up their favorite soup, too. Doing extra is just a way of making the person you love’s life a little brighter.

Here you have it, 5 steps to keeping your marriage new. Realize that these steps have to be tailored to your life. That being said, these are wonderful ways to grow closer together and continue feeling the way you did when you were dating.

I really hope that y’all enjoyed this post and if you want to read more on my views of marriage, click here to see my post on The Truth About Marriage. Much love!

The Truth About Marriage

 

The Truth About Marriage

 

Hello all! To start, I really wanted my first in depth blog post to be something close to my heart. I’m going to be real and honest with you guys (in this post and all other posts) about the good, the bad, and the ugly. Today, I want to talk about marriage. I want to touch on the differences between real marriage and the “idea” of marriage… because, trust me, they are two completely different things and I want to talk about sticking with the marriage even if times are tough.

The idea of marriage manifests in thoughts of super fun, stress free, wedding planning and then a perfect wedding where nothing at all goes wrong. This perfect wedding leads to a life of waking up early to enjoy breakfast together, spending the whole day together, and ending the night with a perfect, no hassle (yet elaborate), dinner. This of course is capped with the thought that a life of bliss will follow with little to no hardships. Well, let me provide a little reality for you (people who aren’t married – pay attention, newlyweds – get ready, and those who are married – you’ll know what I mean). Real marriage is hard, it’s messy, it’s work. Real marriage is fighting hardships, trying to survive life, putting in as much (if not more) work at home as you do at your job. Real marriage is fighting over the simplest things (major fights).  It’s holding your spouse’s hair/head while they are sick (which, truthfully is always gross… vomit is never fun). It’s having days where you or your spouse are mad at something completely unrelated to home, but you take it out on each other. It’s always putting someone else first. Real marriage is one of the absolute hardest things to do in life… but it is also worth every minute of it. Because, at the end of the day, real marriage is having someone you love be your teammate for life. It’s having a support system whenever you do something and having the person that you love most in this world help you with life. Real marriage is knowing that you face all hardships and difficulties together instead of alone and that all of the things that you do for them (like putting them first, letting them vent, and holding their hair/head when they get sick), they do for you too. It is having seasoned love that has stood the test of time, but having moments where you look at the person you love and feel every butterfly that you felt when you had just started dating. The “idea” of marriage seems nice, but real marriage is better than any “idea” could ever be.

Now, I want to talk about tough times and getting through them. Make no mistake, at some point in your lives times are going to be hard (for 9.999999999% of people). I hear, more often than not, that life is on track for a couple and that they have everything worked out and nothing will go wrong. While that is a lovely thought, it is merely a thought and doesn’t reflect the real world. Maybe it’s with a job, maybe it’s about the house, maybe finances are tight, maybe it’s even about the marriage… but try your absolute hardest to work through it. By that, I don’t mean just put in the bare minimum of effort and try to work it out for a week before you give up completely on the situation and your spouse; I mean take every ounce of effort that you can muster and throw it into that situation. Use the hardship as a tool to grow closer to the one you love instead of falling apart. The biggest thing, is DON’T GIVE UP. Don’t give up on the situation, don’t give up on your spouse, and don’t give up on yourself. Every situation can be conquered. Give it to God, pray like you have never prayed before, and don’t give up. I have always heard that marriage is a 50/50 relationship, but that  is so wrong. Marriage is a 100/100 relationship because you both have to put all of yourselves in to get the most out. Like I said before, it is hard, but it is worth it. If you use every difficulty that you face as a tool to grow closer (to God and to your spouse), there is no limit to how strong your marriage will be.

To my husband, I love you more than anything and thank you for supporting me in this crazy thing called life.

To all of you, married or not, I encourage you to share this with your family and friends. Show your dating and engaged family/friends to let them know the truth and show your married family/friends to give them a smile. As always, leave a comment and let me know what you think about this post. Much love!

If you enjoyed this post, check out 5 Steps To Keep Your Marriage New!