Far From Perfect – Close To Happy

Far From Perfect - Close To Happy

There are a lot of things that can be said about me… some good, some bad, and I’m sure some that I would never even think of. One thing that I am told a lot, is that I am so happy. It’s true for the most part, I am (typically) a happy person. That being said, I think that it’s not a rare occasion that us “always happy people” are happy on the outside and at war with ourselves on the inside.

See, I am a perfectionist. Seemingly only when it comes to work, things for others, and myself. There is a major difference between three of these things though. Me being a perfectionist shows itself in my work in the form of triple checking, asking (arguable too many) questions, and continuing to work at a task until I can get it as close to completely right as possible. In things for others, me being a perfectionist rears its ugly head in the form of large amounts of time spent doing and re-doing things until I think that it’s up to the standards that they (“they” tends to end up being me being hard on myself… I have never had anyone upset with my tasks, but if I think that they deserve better, I refuse to let them settle on what I deem “not good enough”) set for me. Then there something that has been bouncing around my brain quite a bit lately.

I am a perfectionist when it comes to myself. Yes, those of you who know me probably just laughed (or scoffed) because I am far from perfect. The thing that sets being a perfectionist about myself apart from being a perfectionist about work and gifts/tasks for others, is simply what outcome it produces. With work and with things for others, I end up making the end result better. Yes, it takes longer and that tends to be a pain, but it tends to make me work harder at something and motivates me to get it right. With being a perfectionist about  myself ( yes, I know that no one is perfect, it doesn’t stop me from nitpicking), the motivation that I typically use to generate a better outcome, turns into self deprecation.

I can’t seem to get myself in the mindset of, “Hey, you aren’t happy with where you are at currently, but you will get there”. Instead, it turns into a deprecating inner monologue of, “Well, here you go again, you’ve already failed so many times before, what makes you think that this will be any different? You might as well just give up on that now”. Once that gets stuck in my mind, the same driving force that normally helps me, starts tearing me down with the same tenacity that it uses to attack all other tasks.

I tell you all of this because, like I said, this has been bouncing around my brain quite a bit lately. The more I thought on it, the more I realized that it’s devastating to your happiness. I once was told (and even wrote a post on) how only you can make yourself happy. I still believe that, but I have also started to realize that we are often our own source of misery (okay, misery sounded good, but a bit harsh… ) as well.

For everyone out there that is struggling with this same problem, please see that you’re not alone. I have been right there with you. Moving forward though, I want you to challenge yourself to the same thing that I am. I am spending every day, from now on, working to improve how I think of myself and how I conduct my inner dialogue. No more self deprecation; only self motivation. I urge you to do the same, because I am willing to bet that if someone else said half of the things about you that you say about yourself, you’d call it abuse.

You can achieve self-love and happiness, though. One day at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time… whatever it takes to achieve that happiness in a healthy way. Just keep moving forward.

Thank you for taking the time to read and if you are feeling alone or lost in the endless cycle of trying to love yourself and coming up short, please reach out to me. I am always here to listen when you need it, and talk if you want it. You will get through this. Remember, even when you are far from perfect, you are always close to happy; all you have to do is work towards a better mindset. I hope that you enjoyed this post and as always, much love and God bless!

If you enjoyed this post, be sure to check out I Choose Happiness and Treating Yourself With The Same Kindness You’d Give Others.

I Choose Happiness

I Choose Happiness

I choose happiness… in a world that chooses money.

I choose happiness… in a world that focuses on the negative.

I choose happiness… in a world that chooses material things over people.

I choose happiness… in a time that there seems to be little of it.

I choose happiness… in a world where it’s not part of the equation for success.

I choose happiness… even though others think it’s silly.

 

I choose happiness… because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how much money I have, how much stuff I’ve bought, whether I’m successful in other people’s eyes, or what others think. When my life is said and done, I want to look back and know that I have done good works, and that I chose happiness over the things of this world. Something my grandma has always said (that used to drive me crazy) was that ‘only you can make you happy’. The thing is, the older I get, the more I believe it. Things are nice, but the ‘nice’ fades after a while; same with careers, cars, hobbies, etc… Pure happiness comes from your outlook on life.

Yes, it is much easier said than done to be happy in the face of every situation. I struggle with it greatly, more than I’d like to admit, but it’s true. I have seen people go through some of the toughest situations, and their positivity towards what was happening, and their trust of God,  just absolutely baffled me. It left me thinking “How can I feel bad for this person, when they don’t even feel bad for themselves?”. It completely changed the situation from something terrible, to part of the life that they felt joy to live.

I would say that there are only two things in your life that can provide you with pure happiness, yourself and God. Having a right relationship with God will fuel you with more joy than you could ever imagine… and when He sends you through a valley (I know, we don’t like it, but it’s part of His plan to shape us into who we are meant to be), your outlook on life and God’s plan for you will be what keeps you feeling joy until you are back on top of the mountain.

Lately, I have had a lot of people asking me what I want to do with the rest of my life, and if I’m being honest with you, I don’t know. I don’t feel like I have found my purpose for life yet, but I know that God will reveal it to me in time. So, even though I am feeling a bit lost right now (you know I have to be honest with y’all), I am going to keep telling people that I choose happiness. I don’t want to look back on my life and have all of these regrets because I chased the things of this world, so I will wait patiently until God tells me to move towards purpose and in the meantime, I will keep choosing to be happy.

 

Hey guys, I know that this wasn’t a long post, but I felt like I needed to write it. Truthfully, I needed to hear it myself right now, so I’m sure that there are others who need to hear it as well. It’s okay to struggle and feel lost, just hang on to choosing happiness and hang on to God. Psalm 30:5 says – For His anger lasts only a short time. But His favor is for life. Crying may last for a night, but joy comes with the new day.

Always remember that your happiness, your joy, comes in the morning and that the hardships of life won’t last… even when it feels like that’s all you’ve been having. Keep your head held high and your prayers sent higher. If you ever need to talk to someone, know that you can always talk to me. Thank y’all so much for reading and God bless!

 

If you enjoyed this post, you can visit some of my others by clicking on the titles below:

The Truth About Marriage

 

The Truth About Marriage

 

Hello all! To start, I really wanted my first in depth blog post to be something close to my heart. I’m going to be real and honest with you guys (in this post and all other posts) about the good, the bad, and the ugly. Today, I want to talk about marriage. I want to touch on the differences between real marriage and the “idea” of marriage… because, trust me, they are two completely different things and I want to talk about sticking with the marriage even if times are tough.

The idea of marriage manifests in thoughts of super fun, stress free, wedding planning and then a perfect wedding where nothing at all goes wrong. This perfect wedding leads to a life of waking up early to enjoy breakfast together, spending the whole day together, and ending the night with a perfect, no hassle (yet elaborate), dinner. This of course is capped with the thought that a life of bliss will follow with little to no hardships. Well, let me provide a little reality for you (people who aren’t married – pay attention, newlyweds – get ready, and those who are married – you’ll know what I mean). Real marriage is hard, it’s messy, it’s work. Real marriage is fighting hardships, trying to survive life, putting in as much (if not more) work at home as you do at your job. Real marriage is fighting over the simplest things (major fights).  It’s holding your spouse’s hair/head while they are sick (which, truthfully is always gross… vomit is never fun). It’s having days where you or your spouse are mad at something completely unrelated to home, but you take it out on each other. It’s always putting someone else first. Real marriage is one of the absolute hardest things to do in life… but it is also worth every minute of it. Because, at the end of the day, real marriage is having someone you love be your teammate for life. It’s having a support system whenever you do something and having the person that you love most in this world help you with life. Real marriage is knowing that you face all hardships and difficulties together instead of alone and that all of the things that you do for them (like putting them first, letting them vent, and holding their hair/head when they get sick), they do for you too. It is having seasoned love that has stood the test of time, but having moments where you look at the person you love and feel every butterfly that you felt when you had just started dating. The “idea” of marriage seems nice, but real marriage is better than any “idea” could ever be.

Now, I want to talk about tough times and getting through them. Make no mistake, at some point in your lives times are going to be hard (for 9.999999999% of people). I hear, more often than not, that life is on track for a couple and that they have everything worked out and nothing will go wrong. While that is a lovely thought, it is merely a thought and doesn’t reflect the real world. Maybe it’s with a job, maybe it’s about the house, maybe finances are tight, maybe it’s even about the marriage… but try your absolute hardest to work through it. By that, I don’t mean just put in the bare minimum of effort and try to work it out for a week before you give up completely on the situation and your spouse; I mean take every ounce of effort that you can muster and throw it into that situation. Use the hardship as a tool to grow closer to the one you love instead of falling apart. The biggest thing, is DON’T GIVE UP. Don’t give up on the situation, don’t give up on your spouse, and don’t give up on yourself. Every situation can be conquered. Give it to God, pray like you have never prayed before, and don’t give up. I have always heard that marriage is a 50/50 relationship, but that  is so wrong. Marriage is a 100/100 relationship because you both have to put all of yourselves in to get the most out. Like I said before, it is hard, but it is worth it. If you use every difficulty that you face as a tool to grow closer (to God and to your spouse), there is no limit to how strong your marriage will be.

To my husband, I love you more than anything and thank you for supporting me in this crazy thing called life.

To all of you, married or not, I encourage you to share this with your family and friends. Show your dating and engaged family/friends to let them know the truth and show your married family/friends to give them a smile. As always, leave a comment and let me know what you think about this post. Much love!

If you enjoyed this post, check out 5 Steps To Keep Your Marriage New!